He made me cry for the first time today. It’s our one month anniversary.
And I was trying to be different. To be honest.
Honesty can suck my ass.
He made me cry for the first time today. It’s our one month anniversary.
I’m feeling a tad melancholy today. Perhaps it’s the hormones. PMS. Whatever. Probably. Because I’m making no sense, even to myself, and I just felt like screaming in frustration and crying, both at the same time.
It’s been less than 2 weeks since we met. Less than 1 week since we started. And everything feels familiar. Everything feels right.
And so my gut reaction is to creep back into my shell and prepare for the worst. Because it all seems too good to be true. Because if things are zooming by so fast, the end is sure to come as quickly. We should be flatlining soon. And then what?
Human nature sucks. Here we are, on fluffy pink clouds, and I’m already concerned about rain. Would I be so terribly pessimistic to think this way, or just plain realistic?
No. I refuse to let this moment slip by. No matter what happens, I have now.
In her book, Elizabeth Gilbert mentioned that at the end of the day, a marriage is between two people. You do it because you want to do it. Maybe sometimes, you have to do it, as in her case. But most of the time, it’s purely a choice.
It still is a choice. But it’s become a choice that I’m willing to make. What’s changed? I have. I want that feeling of ownership. I want to be legally recognized. I want an ever after that is concrete and a goddamned pain in the ass to break. Of course, a reason to have a pretty ring on my finger doesn’t hurt lol.
No, it has not suddenly become a necessity. No, it has not suddenly appeared to be the natural cycle of my life. And no, I still don’t want the fussy wedding that comes attached with it.
But I do want it. To be married. To him. I do.
I only had 2.5 hours of sleep the previous night. I should be wiped out by now. I should have mentally blacked out by now. I should have so little patience that every little thing annoys the hell out of me by now.
But I’m still grateful.
One love made me such a terrible skeptic. That it defies logic how love can blossom within days. That in actual fact the brain is secreting hormones to make us think that we’ve been struck by love. That when this phase is over, the usual troubles will begin.
I admit that I’m still haunted, still afraid, still worried. What if it’s true that I’m just…unloveable?
But deep down I’ve always been a romantic. And his promise still rings clear in my head. I want my ever after, even if it might not be happily all the way. Remember today, and this promise to myself. I will have my ever after.
I’ve not felt this way for so long that my heart couldn’t even recognize it. Truly happy.
I’ve not felt this way for so long that my heart was initially afraid. What did I do to deserve it?
Because the past few years have told me that I made The Gardener miserable. That I was hard to love. That I was emotional quicksand.
But he makes it so easy to love him. Now. I’m bracing myself for the worst. And preparing to reveal my worst. But right now, today, I’m happy. I’m loved again, and actually able to feel it, touch it, revel in it. Thank you, universe. I’m ever so grateful.
These are, at long last, tears of joy.
I refuse to let myself be dragged down by all the unjustified comments. Which is why I will address them now and move on.
You don’t even care whether all the student get what you’re discussing and keep move forward. I really feel your tutorial section is wasting my precious time. If possible, please write it on board, or anything so student who are slow can still follow inside the class!
- Then why didn’t you speak up in class? If I honestly didn’t care, I would just paste the bloody solutions on the board and let you copy them then leave. YOU are wasting my precious time by not responding to my questions.
Teaching method is far beyond understanding. Reading the slides as if reading story books.
- Actually, I was reading from my notes. If you had bothered to actually listen to me, you would’ve realized that I wasn’t reading from the slides.
So damn pretty
- Why, thank you, but that is irrelevant.
Maybe its better if you be more friendly towards student. Don’t treat us like a kid. Learning process need a good mood. Smile more Miss. Don’t waste your cute face
- Perhaps if most of you acted more like adults, I would have more reason to smile.
Knows a lot but don’t really care if students understand what she is talking about. Giving chocolate is really not helping to encourage student to learn anything. Perhaps, you can try other method. =)
- Please refer to comment #1. Giving chocolate is to encourage you to try to answer, instead of staying mum and dumb. If you have any better suggestions, please feel free to tell me, instead of saying ‘try something else’ all the time.
wrong way in teaching tutorial.calling student out to do tutorial making student unable to copy the correct answer for tutorial.
- WTF. I don’t even get this one. Not going to dignify with a response. Next.
conducting tutorial with wrong way. please give solution instead calling student out to do the solution. making student unable to copy the correct solution.
- Must be friends with #6. If you are so concerned about the correct solution, you should come ask me about it. Instead of bitching silently.
your teaching method is so unmotivational..by reading only the slide,i also can do it at my house.
- Well then, I hope you got an A+, since you seem so competent.
dont treat our tutor class like a kindegarten class.
- If you are actually a university student, you would know that it’s a TUTORIAL, and that university students are more proactive than what you all currently are.
Please provide more exercises for all the subject in lecture.
- Please request for more BEFORE the trimester is over.
She is so hott
- Thank you, but also irrelevant.
- Thank you very much. I can be nice, too.
dont treat us like kindergarten students pls~ class quiz for attendances is not a good idea~
- Why? Because you weren’t attending classes?
your teaching skills is soo bad…u cannot simply get angry to the student when he/she asked u a question..when i asked u a question, u yelled at me during lab session..and, the activity conducted in class is so boring.u saw it clearly that students hate it so much and we find it meaningless…so next time, please change it.tq
- I’m sorry for snapping at you. It was most likely because of an inane question that I had already answered about a gazillion times and the answer which could obviously be found in the lab sheet if you had bothered to read it, although that does not justify my snarky attitude towards you. I don’t believe, however, that I yelled, because I am very loud when I yell.
As for the class activity, perhaps if you had again, bothered to really take part, you wouldn’t have found it so boring. But since you’re brimming with ideas, why don’t you come up with a fun activity for us all? Oops, there I go, ‘yelling’ again…
i dont like M&M
- But I do.
- Yea, tell that to the subject.
I do not like the method of teaching. Tutorials should show how to answer the questions.
- What were you doing in class…sleeping?
I rest my case.
This song is so apt. I love you, Pink. You rock. Keep being real. I’m glad love is not the rose-tinted dream everyone paints it out to be.