Congratulations!

I’d just attended an old classmate’s wedding dinner on Saturday. Honestly, it bored me to no end. But this post is not going to be about me bashing up marriage. Rather, I’d like to really wish my friend the heartiest congratulations, because even though I have my own opinions about marriage, I want her to be happy. 

So to Justin and Chooi-Yuit, I sincerely wish you all the best in your life together 🙂

I was slightly taken aback when I discovered that she’d only invited 10 of us. Later that night as I pondered upon our friendships, I was ashamed and filled with remorse. Because they had never given up on our friendship. I had. Through all these years, I had shut my best friends out with the excuse that they had dared to move on without me. But that night, I realized that the only person who had changed drastically was myself. I had become cold, skeptical, and unforgiving. Meanwhile, the people who used to be my best friends had remained each other’s good friends.

I had always lamented the fact that, in my hours of darkness, I had no one to turn to.  Now, the reason is staring back at me in bold red letters. I can’t say that I’m not happy with the way my life is right now, because Hwai is my sunshine and he makes me a much better person. But time and time again, I look back and reminisce the naive and innocent days of high school, and the thing that I remember the most are my four best friends. How we called ourselves Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So. How we shared our dreams. How we used to laugh together about the silliest things. How we would call each other everyday to talk about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything. Nearly ten years later, it’s all lost to me. 

I am sorry. So very sorry that I gave up on our friendship. So very sorry that I couldn’t care more about their lives instead of focusing solely on my own. There is no way back, I don’t think. I’m too different now. But today, after admitting that it was my own fault after all, I hope that I can forgive myself, even if they won’t. I hope that I can care more about the people that matter to me, because really…regret is such a sorry thing, and once change has set in the present, there is only the future to look forward to.