Ugly

Human nature as I see it is getting uglier and uglier by the day. So much that I just want to hide at home and not be witness to it all. Unfortunately, I have a prime example of that ugliness at home. Perhaps one can rationally explain away the necessity for such ugliness, but such excuses cannot detract from the pure fact that when you become a working adult, most of us turn into two-faced monsters.

Perhaps I should explain myself.

My housemate (most of you know who he is) used to be a tutor like myself. He would hardly go to campus, and when he does, he would hole himself in his cubicle and silently rant at the noise made by his other officemates, who are mostly Chinese-speaking. I admit that I share a part of his snobbery, but I can be extremely pleasing when I want to be. Also, I get along very well with my own officemates, thank you very much. And we make our own share of noise in our own office. 1Malaysia and all that.

My housemate loathes his tutor colleagues. He derides them any chance he gets and was only too happy to move out of his office into his own room.

So imagine my surprise (and horror) when come promotion to lecturer, my housemate now has many new lecturer friends! Lecturer friends he wants to please, lecturer friends he talks to, lecturer friends he hardly makes fun of, lecturer friends he goes out with! And if (and when) I deign to make fun of any of them (oh my bad when I actually offended them!), he actually defends them. My, my…how times have changed.

And he is not the only one I have observed making new friends and joining new cliques. Apparently a new title can do that to you.

Perhaps this condition can infect you in any working environment. But for me, it is unbearable to watch someone I once loved show his true colours like that. Ugly, just plain ugly. If that is what a promotion can do to a person, I really need to think twice about getting one myself.

And honestly, the once revered PhD is nothing but a load of crap now. So what if you’re dedicated enough to spend countless hours discovering something new and publishable? Experience has taught me that if you are black in the mind and in the heart, no paper will ever change or cover your true colours for long.

Ugly, just plain ugly.