This post isn’t exactly about coffee, though I had a good cuppa at Whisk, ESG, the other day. The cuppa is what sparked the thought behind this post though.
So my Austrah-ai-lian friend said: “You should come back here.”
And I said: “Yeah, I will, but it’ll be by myself.”
And she asked: “Why?”
And I had to ponder for a minute over the question, because what is the real reason I do things alone these days?
Is it because my friends are too busy with their own lives to accompany me?
Or because I like to go out at odd hours when everyone else is working?
Or because I simply cannot be bothered to call anyone else along when it is easier to go whenever I want to?
Or because I don’t get along with my friends anymore?
Whatever the reason, which is sort of a culmination of all of the above, I have gotten used to walking around a mall by myself. It’s liberating, I don’t have to take anyone else’s opinion into consideration, neither do I have to consider asking for their opinion as part of the ‘bonding’ process. Of course, in the beginning, it felt weird walking by myself and I missed having a girlfriend to talk/gossip with, but honestly, I have become such an odd one that I hardly find anyone except my best friend Kimberly fun enough to have a long chat with.
How did that happen? Let’s see…
I used to be terribly spoilt when I was younger such that my friends said I was a nightmare to be playmates with because they had to give in to all my petulant whims and fancies. Then when I made this horrible discovery, I became somewhat of a doormat. Also, I suppose my low self-esteem played a part. But nowadays, ‘no’ has become such a fun word to say. As in, “No, thank you, I don’t want to buy your useless merchandise.” “No, I’ll be busy so I can’t attend your wedding/baby’s birthday/whatever boring occasion that you have invited me to and I don’t want to go to.” “No, I think you were wrong and you should apologize for being a bitch.”
Yes, truly. After years of being partners with a person who is opinionated and has no problems voicing them out, I suppose some has rubbed off on me. Because life is too short to subject myself to unnecessary bullshit. If I like you enough, I will be more than happy to do whatever pleases you, like attend your wedding/baby’s birthday/whatever boring occasion that you have invited me to and I don’t really want to go to, but I will anyway because I know it matters to you. If you have given me enough reason to hate your guts, trust me, I don’t give a rat’s ass whether or not you disinvite me/’un’-friend me/’un’-facebook me. But if you do happen to perform any or all of the above, then you have just given me even more reason to disrespect you, and from now on, you are invisible to me.
Sure, I look at other people and marvel at their social lives and my lack thereof. But truly, I am happy with life and with myself 🙂 Feels good to be 30 (almost). Here’s to a great year!
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