OK lar…

When my father was still around, he would never fail to ask me after every exam/test I had how it went. And my reply would always be the same: “OK lar…”, regardless of whether or not it was actually alright. So much that even though he continued asking, towards the later years, he would also do the replying, because he was sure that my answer would always be the same, and he was right. Nevertheless, he never failed to ask because he cared. And I never failed to say that it was OK, because I appreciated that he cared enough to ask and did not want to worry him.

After his passing, this role of his was never filled.

Perhaps I should file a disclaimer before I go on. It is not the intention of this post to sound extra pathetic nor is it seeking for sympathy. It is just a fact that I have come to realize over the past couple of days. Ever since my presentation. Which I have tried to brush off and not dwell on, because that is not the way I want to live my life anymore. My life is now. Nevertheless, it is annoying but true that what happened still bugs me. But what saddens me even more is how I have noone in my life right now who loves me enough to empathize. It doesn’t even have to be someone who understands.

I guess I am sad that I am only a priority to myself. Perhaps that is all well and good enough, for who can love me better than myself? OK lar…