Friends(?)

I’ve never been one to make friends easily. I don’t go up to people to introduce myself unless I have to. I can’t think of entertaining things to say after the initial ‘hellos’ and ‘how are yous’. In fact, the first time you meet me in person, you’d probably think I’m stuck up. I probably am. Because I think I’d rather be stuck up than be painfully shy, which is what I realized I used to be.

But I’ve come to accept that I can never become one of those people with an army of friends and acquaintances. I am also probably too lazy to bother at this age. I cannot be bothered to keep up with too many friends or be too involved in their lives, because I’m selfish that way, I need a lot of time for myself. This is why I think guys are great friends to have. They come and go, say hi and bye, and everything is fine. Women always get so emotional about family and friends, myself included. I know I’m contradicting myself. Allow me to explain.

I have a strong opinion on marriage and children. And I’m not afraid to voice them. Especially since I get asked a lot on why I choose to live my life this way. It’s annoying when you cannot step out of your own box to look at life another way. But I think I got so rigid that I was bordering on hate and disdain. Perhaps because I was unable to accept all the change that was going on around me. But over the past few months, especially with one of my best friends getting married, I find that I’m more willing to celebrate this kind of joy that seemed (maybe still is a little) so alien to me. I mean, it’s fine if you want to conform or feel the inexplicable need to protect your genes ie. get married and have kids. And I was really truly happy to be there that day to witness my best friend getting married to the man she loves. Maybe even a little teary-eyed. Because she’s happy to do it. And I love her. So it makes me happy too. But she in turn respects my opinions and choice. Which is why I feel so appreciative that I don’t even mind getting up at a ridiculously early hour (for me) just to watch them sign a couple of pieces of paper. I’ve even discovered a few young mothers whom I have a new found respect for, because they are actually wise mothers who don’t think solely of their own family.

So don’t punish me for being opinionated. Don’t punish me for being selfish. Don’t punish me for my choices.

You have a right to tell me off if my opinions offend you. You have a right to being so selfish that you want to bring more children into this over-populated world. And you definitely have the rights to choose your own way in life, because it’s yours.

But if your decisions affect me, either directly or indirectly, then I’m damn well going to say something about it. And if you don’t like what I say, then we can have a lively discussion about it. Don’t pretend to be okay about it in front of my face, then do sneaky things behind my back. Friends mean more to me than keeping in touch all the time. Friends are those who actually express concern when they feel something is wrong, even from thousands of miles away. Friends are those who made the time to console you when your father passed away. Friends are those who respect your decisions even if they might not understand them. Friends are those who are still willing to talk to you even after you’ve frozen them out for months (I’m SO sorry!!). And I know who mine are.