Moving out

    I finally told someone. Somehow, my brother was able to understand. I feel better, knowing that there will be an end to the noise, knowing that peace and quiet will return. Too bad my conscience likes to hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel extremely apprehensive thinking about how sister will react to the news. Extremely guilty thinking about how they might think I’m abandoning them.

I feel even worse thinking about how they might be right. That I am putting myself before others. That I am a total selfish bitch. That in my culture and upbringing, this decision is frowned upon, misunderstood, unacceptable. That when the time came to choose between myself and my family, I chose to preserve my own sanity. Maybe I will never know if my decision is right or wrong, but at times when my conscience threatens to overwhelm me, I tell myself that deep in my heart, I have never thought of abandoning anyone. And as long as I remember that, I’m okay.